STOP TELLING US TO 'MAN UP'!
Stop Telling Us to ‘Man Up’!
Written by Christopher Michael Pope (Health & Wellbeing Captain)
Format by Cailan Duane (Health & Wellbeing Captain)
Mental health is an important issue that affects all of us. When your mental health worsens it can impact your relationships, productivity, and your happiness. Growing up in 2020 as a teenager has shown to be a struggle. Balancing the horrors of COVID-19, social media, and the range of new responsibilities at school and in society is demanding of teenagers. Due to the workload and stress, many of us can forget to look after our mental health. This is most evident when discussing the mental health of men.
Men find it difficult to ask for help or support for their mental health, mostly due to their lack of desire for help. While it is incredibly important that everyone focuses on their mental health, it is often men who neglect it. BMI Healthcare, a UK healthcare organisation, stated that “28% of men did not seek help for mental health issues, compared to 19% of women.” The statistics continue to paint a bleak picture, saying how men are also less likely to talk to friends and family, and “are only around half as likely as women to access psychological therapies.” Compared to women, men are unwilling to find psychological help, which could further affect their mental health and could possibly lead to more serious consequences. With no one to turn to, life can become very lonely and isolated.
Men find it difficult to ask for help or support for their mental health, mostly due to their lack of desire for help. While it is incredibly important that everyone focuses on their mental health, it is often men who neglect it. BMI Healthcare, a UK healthcare organisation, stated that “28% of men did not seek help for mental health issues, compared to 19% of women.” The statistics continue to paint a bleak picture, saying how men are also less likely to talk to friends and family, and “are only around half as likely as women to access psychological therapies.” Compared to women, men are unwilling to find psychological help, which could further affect their mental health and could possibly lead to more serious consequences. With no one to turn to, life can become very lonely and isolated.
Safeline, another UK healthcare organisation, informs us of the frightening statistic that 76% of suicides are committed by men, and suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under the age of 35 in Britain. The catatonic consequences of a lack of support for male mental health is not publicised well enough. It is not recognised widely enough how terribly young men are suffering. Suicide is the largest killer of young males in the UK.
But why are men less likely to search for help than women? Well, mostly it is due to fear – fear of rejection, judgement; disappointing their friends, family, and society. In our modern era, it should be easier for men to speak out about these topics, especially due to increasing gender equality, but unfortunately men are unable to because of old stereotypes. The classic gender roles of the strong man and fragile woman have been around longer than the Classical age, and continue to cause harm in our modern society. The stereotype of men being more ‘masculine’ and ‘emotionless’ isolates men, and letting out their feelings to others – even showing emotions – is seen as a ‘girly’ thing to do.
A man being vulnerable or ‘girly’ is typically seen by others as weak, which shouldn’t be the case in our modern time. However, due to this negative, harmful, and sexist stereotype, most men fear to open up about their mental health in case others make fun of them or think less of them. Although we try to break this stigma for both men and women, many of us unknowingly fall into the trap of keeping it alive in our day to day conversations. Many phrases we say like ‘Be a man.’ and ‘Stop being such a girl!” strengthen these outdated and harmful gender expectations when we should be breaking them down. Worryingly, many of us will say it without considering what it truly means and what impact it may have mentally on those we say it to. These sexist remarks stain our modern society, and harms those who hear it. We leave men and boys feeling unable to live up to expectations and unable to set their own goals. We take away their motivation and undermine their self-esteem with such careless phrases.
So, what can we do to help? Firstly, we shouldn’t tell anyone to “toughen up,” “be a man,” “get over it,” or “stop being a girl,” as all these phrases do is reinforce these stereotypes and make the person who is suffering feel worse about talking about it. Don’t leave men and boys isolated and unable to speak about their worries and feelings. Instead, listen and support by hearing what is troubling a person. Look for something you can do to help. Secondly, try to subtly tell anyone who is suffering to search for counselling or therapy using professional websites for effective information. Be careful of pushing too hard. No one likes to be forced. However, do not force this on them. A simple and quick recommendation would be enough without stressing anyone out further. Lastly, let your friends know you’re there for them. They may not wish to speak to you, and that’s okay. They may not be ready to talk, but knowing you’re there to support them when they are ready is enough at times to help someone become comfortable and trust you.
Trying to support people is the most we can do in these situations, and yet can make such a difference to those you plan to help.
Mental health is important, and so is making sure our peers, friends, and family are safe. We need to make sure we avoid any harmful stereotypical phrases that may affect someone. Support and give help. By following this plan, we could help those in need and hopefully lower the heart-breaking percentage of young male suicides.
If you are feeling anxious or stressed – male, female, or other – then here are some phone numbers to contact if you need someone to talk to. You are not alone.
Samaritans: +44 116123
Samaritans of Dundee: 0330 094 5717
Childline (under 18): 0800 1111
Breathing Space (over 16): 0800 838587
Statistics can be found on the BMI Healthcare website and Safeline website. A special thank you to the English Department Staff for their contribution and help.